It has come to my attention that I am a "baby" old person. As I write this I am 67. I know I said I am looking at 70. I have reached the age where 3 years is a flash.
A number of my contemporaries, some a bit farther along than I, don’t like the term “old” in reference to themselves. For me it is a personal decision. I welcome what I know I can’t stop. Time.
It is clear that under any theory, I passed the half-way point some years ago. But still, a 90 year old would think me practically a child. Old age comes upon us slowly.
I have been thinking of rules for myself, for the next stretch of road.
•Mind time better. It is growing precious, more so with each passing year. There is no more to squander on things that don’t work, or bad relationships, or stupid arguments. To say nothing of mindless addictions. Now is the time to become real, just like the Velveteen Rabbit.
• A big part of being real is having something BIG to care about, beyond the people and animals that share our lives. For me this is the battle for the continuation of life on this planet. Including human.
We were all born at an odd time in history, to be facing this threat. I thought I would spend my later years puttering and traveling. But I am called upon to be a warrior for the biosphere. And I know this will consume the rest of my days.
• Eat VERY well, drink water, walk, dance, and all the other things that preserve physical health. “Health is the greatest wealth” only sounds trite to people who still have theirs. Things begin to change in the 60s, but getting on some kind of program can still make the difference between a good old age and misery.
In my case I have some chronic issues that I conveniently ignored for decades. But this really is the last chance saloon and I don’t want to hate life in 5 years. I have witnessed that path. It’s the road to assisted suicide.
But working for continued good health and dealing with issues as they arise is not the same as making problems the center of all conversations.
We all have miseries at this age. I will not go into them except with a doc, or a few carefully chosen friends who have a mutual bitching circle.
I do post information online for my particular disabilities, but only things that will help others. Not merely a litany of complaints.
Of course if I don’t feel well and someone asks, I tell the truth. That is not the same as dwelling on it.
• Wherever you call home, really LIVE there. Give it the care it should have to make yourself comfortable, without thought of what others think. If you have a partner or housemates, work it out. But don’t acquiesce out of fear of conflict. Home should mean comfort.
• Have people. Spend quality time with others of your species. Friends at different levels of intimacy, yes. But also some one or ones to really love. A lover, a partner, family members, and close friends. And sometimes beings of other species. A fur baby can be a best friend.
• Pay attention to appearance and grooming, but don’t obsess over regaining the face and body you had at 30. Just because we live in a culture that worships youth doesn’t really mean anything on a personal level.
I call it the middle way. I care what I look like because I have self-esteem and am not depressed. Stopping grooming even in an animal is a sign of distress. But I will not go to extreme measures to mimic a woman half my age.
• Hang out with younger people and take an interest in what they are into. Because nobody owes you friendship or even attention, there are a few things you may need to adjust:
Work on the leftover psychological dark matter and conditioning. If you are still tormented by some aspect of the past, work it through, with or without help.
Stay curious and interested in the affairs of fellow travelers and of the world.
Have a consuming hobby or two. Do them regularly.
Never stop growing.
When interacting with younger generations know that you have one thing they don’t. Knowledge of what it is like to be the age they are. You were once as young as they are. You can remember.
They will never know what it is to be where you are till they get there. IF they get there. Age is a privilege.
You will become lighter and mellower as you release any bitterness. The goal is to shine from within and be a source of wisdom and a model for a life well-lived.
• Be an adult. Dress like one, act like one. Befriending a few people from succeeding generations does not mean becoming something you are not.
This means handling the money. And the domestic details. Even if you were left standing when the music stopped. Live within your means, whatever they are.
That said, you are the sole arbiter of your own little world by this time. So you get to decide for yourself what being an adult looks like.
• Ask for help. There are things I just can't do anymore, and there are younger people who will help. Make the energy exchange as even as you can, but don’t deny a 40 year old the pleasure of helping. Letting someone help you can be a gift to them too.
• Keep working. Not necessarily at a job, but at something that has meaning to you.
There are 90 year olds that volunteer. These are the ones that make 100 in style.
Because I am in a creative field, I may never stop till I'm dead.
• Speaking of death, it’s time to come to terms with mortality. The process is different for everyone. Intellectual understanding is not enough. Feel it with every cell: we are limited in time. What will it take to make this OK? Do it.
• Get guidance from your elders, those who are farther along than you. Just as you know the perils and pleasures of being a 40 year old, the ones in there 80s and 90s and beyond were once baby old people. They can give wise counsel.
I will not lie and say I don’t miss the energy I had 25 years ago. Or that it wouldn’t be fun to have my 35 year old face (and ass) back. But I can shake that off.
It is impossible and I am a realist. Being able to live a long live is remarkable enough in itself.
Besides, rules are rules. On planet earth we are born, we grow up, and if nothing happens to prevent it, we get old. And then we end, like everyone and everything else in the known universe.
If you are a baby old person, what are your thoughts?
If you are a younger person (under 60) how do you feel about being on the hamster wheel of time?
And if you are in your 80s or beyond, what would you add?
Firstly, it’s wonderful to see your face!
This is all excellent advice. I’m 57 now and surprised by the changes in my body. 23 years ago I traveled around the country interviewing women over 90. The goal was to discover what the secret was to a healthy long life. There was one woman , a Mormon, who could run circles around me and said her secret was cod liver oil- 1 teaspoon a day and it had to be liquid not a pill. :) others told me varying things, but what I discovered was that all of them had a purpose. For most of them, it was some sense of religious faith that told them they still had more to do. For the few others, it was more of a calling. as an artist or as an activist. So you are well on your way! Being a warrior for mother earth 🌍 !!
Thank you for this share. 🧡
Delightful reading, Annabel. We share this beautiful name, you and I. Thank you for the post. Annabel Jones Brooks