Thinking about how, when something gets stolen, broken or lost people always say "it was just a thing" and not as important as a living being. But we are attached to our things.
Right or wrong. Humans like routine and like to control our environments and attachment is part of that. Even attachment to "just things". Possessions are a big part of what our little worlds are made of.
The curve of the vase from a grandmother. The wallet that was the first grown up thing bought with our own earnings. The shell pink organza worn to the party that turned out to be the first meeting with “the one”. The bright green Chevy with room in back for two dogs that took us on adventures for 15 years. The antique desk, solid oak, set up with the IMAC.
The stainless steel 3 quart saucepan with a lid that fits. The perfectly seasoned cast iron skillet.
The classic Fender. The way set of good wrenches feel in the hand. The family photo in the silver frame and the little watercolor hanging near the bathroom mirror.
All of our favorite things, big or small, were either chosen by us or given to us. Some have immense sentimental value. Some are well worn tools. Some just "spark joy" by merely existing.
The ones we chose were chosen carefully. We looked at everything available and weighed one color against another, one material against another, until we finally made a decision.
Or, we bought impulsively because we fell in love with the thing and never looked back.
As for the gifts, a mother’s favorite spoon, now stirring your soup in your house, though she is long dead. Well, THAT is much more than a spoon. That is everything she ever cooked for you in a lifetime. Packed into a piece of metal.
We are physical beings whose very bodies crave routine. Other mammals get attached too. To the smell and feel of their things. The bed. The bowl. The special bone.
Small children have no trouble expressing this attachment. Just try to take away that doll. As we get older we learn to hide the attachment better. We don’t want to seem materialistic or greedy or shallow.
Small children also have no problem with gifts. They will ask “what did you bring me?” without guile. They don’t mean what idea or service did you get for them. They mean a thing. Don’t we wish, later on, that we could be so free?
Our things weave through our physical and emotional lives and tie together our past and present. We don’t even like throwing things away once we get attached.
I once had a pair of very comfortable moccasins. They looked good in their prime, but had holes in the toes on both sides and the heel on one had worn through. I kept them together with gel inserts and kept wearing them. My boyfriend made me toss them. I still think of them and measure all new shoes against them.
Yes, the living are ultimately more important. When the beloved canine gets a hold of the best oven mitt ever, the one that got you through 11 Thanksgiving dinners, you yell “bad dog!” And then of course you forgive him. His feelings of shame are more important than the gloves.
If it is your toddler breaking Grandma’s vase while using it to hold mud pies, it might take a minute to recover. But the child’s feelings mean more than the vase.
As I once reiterated to my ex-husband when an adored feline knocked over a whole tray of Perrier Jouet champagne glasses, breaking three out of six. The welfare of Mr. Fuzz superseded the feelings of that angry man.
Yet, in spite of that nuance, we remain attached. "Mere" things are not really "mere" after all. We are mammals and our bodies love what they love.
Note: this has been edited. In the original I used the word trump with a small t. This word, which has been part of our language since the 16th century, upset some people so much they could not enjoy the piece.
This is because of that disgraced gangster who once inhabited the White House. Whose family name is actually Drumph.
I find this disturbing. First of all, the original wording was more elegant. It took three words to do what one did before the edit. And that means it lost grace and gained a small measure of awkwardness.
Second, this person who has stolen so much from us has succeeded in stealing a useful word with no perfect replacement.
I have had people say it will take a century for that word to stop being a trigger. I say we should eliminate the name with a capital T and reclaim the small t— trump.
Exquisito storyline and evoking sweet memories. The twice-use of the word ‘Trump’ completely spoiled it however. Better choice of wording next time, maybe?
I edited this post to remove the trigger word with the following note. I did it so readers would pay attention to the topic and not get distracted.
Here is the note:
Note: this has been edited. In the original I used the word trump with a small t. This word, which has been part of our language since the 16th century, upset some people so much they could not enjoy the piece.
This is because of that disgraced gangster who once inhabited the White House. Whose family name is actually Drumph.
I find this disturbing. First of all, the original wording was more elegant. It took three words to do what one did before the edit. And that means it lost grace and gained a small measure of awkwardness.
Second, this person who has stolen so much from us has succeeded in stealing a useful word with no perfect replacement.
I have had people say it will take a century for that word to stop being a trigger. I say we should eliminate the name with a capital T and reclaim the small t— trump.