Here is the thing about disorders of brain chemistry: the general public doesn’t understand much about them. There is all kinds of misinformation.
We understand that bodily systems have certain requirements and can be damaged when those requirements are not met. The most obvious may be blindness or missing a limb. We don’t expect the blind or the paraplegic to just “get over it”.
We can fairly easily understand kidney failure, liver failure, or even a more complex disease like diabetes. We do not harass or shame the diabetic for their defective sugar metabolism.
But when it comes to brain anatomy, brain health, or brain chemistry, there is a massive failure of understanding.
ADHD is a neuro-developmental disorder affecting the ability of the brain to produce enough dopamine and norepinephrine. It also affects the executive function of the prefrontal cortex.
It is hereditary, incurable, and begins in childhood. It affects boys and girls, men and women.
We cannot just “change” our brain chemistry. We are not lazy or stupid. We did not choose this. And you are not a “little bit” ADHD just because you are sometimes forgetful or are a bit disorganized.
Because of the nature of the disorder it is harder to get the general public to understand it. The symptoms themselves are socially unacceptable. Talking too much. Over sharing. Not showing up on time. Appearing to not pay attention to things that are important to others. Rejection sensitivity. Impulse control. Sensory issues. And more. All of these enough to cause problems even with people who understand the issue. With the vast majority who don’t understand it is enough to get us ostracized.
The ADHD “tax” refers to adults with ADHD paying more for everything. We pay late fees and fines. We pay to buy things we already own because we can’t find the first one. We pay for the things that break or are left out. We pay more for groceries from food waste.
Then there are the “co-morbidities. Depression and Anxiety top the list. Though it is not entirely clear whether these two conditions are a result of dopamine deprivation or of living in a world that misunderstands us and holds us in contempt.
Even the medications generally used to control symptoms in those who can tolerate them are stigmatized. Yes it is speed. Yes, like meth. No, people with ADHD are not tweakers or dope addicts.
It can be hard to get an official diagnosis, even now. Many health care professionals have an outdated or poor understanding of the disorder. Or an underlying bias.
Many simply slipped through the cracks because we were born too early. We have always existed but the condition had no name or official standing till relatively recently.
My father was born in the early 1920s. As a boy, if he had been born in the 1960s he would have had a chance of diagnosis, but in his time nobody had any idea.
We called him Captain Chaos. The confusion was so thick around him that you could lose a piece of paper you had in your hand. The house he shared with my mother would be freezing in winter due to propane running out. He had plenty of money. He just could not get the tank filled.
He payed around $20,000 a year on late fees. He died owing the IRS a huge sum. His children despised him. Me included. Until I realized last March that I have ADHD. It was easy to see the connection. I will not hold the things against him that he could not help.
As for me, the signs were all there from my early childhood. But in the 1950s and 60s it was thought that only boys could have it, and that they would “grow out” of it. No girls, no adults.
All through my early life I was bombarded with my”potential”. and with reports of “poor impulse control”, “lack of attention”, and “disorganization”.
By the time I hit middle age I had a string of failures behind me. I was in the upper 1% in IQ but nothing ever worked the way it should have. And I had no idea why. I was depressed, anxiety ridden, and exhausted. But I kept trying to grab the gold ring. I was ambitious but never knew on any given day if I would work 15 hours or hide in the tub all day with a rubber ducky.
In 1999 my parents became involved with a so-called therapist who was a terrible person. A grifter with no business holding a psychologists license. She did, however, make one accurate observation. She tossed it out like a one liner when she told me I had ADHD. With no follow up or explanation. Because I was not the moneybags. I promptly dismissed it. I hated that woman and nothing she said was to be accepted.
Except, she was correct about this one thing. I figured it out from a short quiz on Facebook at age 65. Finally my life made sense.
It is common these days, the age of toxic positivity, to reject anything negative about ADHD. To call it a “superpower”. To talk about how wonderful it is. Just being “differently able”. This is a harmful and ableist stance. It brushes the pain of dopamine deficiency and a lifetime of failure under the rug. Sometimes it is the leaders of the ADHD community doing this. I understand why. I just believe it is the wrong approach.
ADHD is not a punch line. It is a serious disability. But so poorly understood that we have made very little progress in societal awareness or acceptance.
October is ADHD awareness month. I will be posting about different aspects and how they affect us. Please feel free to add your stories in the comments.
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Oh, Bels, you too? Your eloquent description of the whole thing could have been written about me, as well. The bupropian and citalapram definitely help, but they can never make up for all those years of my life I lost.
I was initially diagnosed with major medical depression, but that didn't even begin to explain it all. That Dx was in 1990 and the stigma about brain stuff was in full flower. I was determined to not let that stigma stop me from talking about. I used the comparison to diabetes. Most people can at least understand that, but they still have no idea what it's like to live with it. I couldn't count how many people who dismissed me with " oh, Charlis, you're just too intense". End of relationship.
My failed relationships, my pig sty of a house, my car, my life, the psychic pain of it was/is something that someone who's never been there themselves can even begin to understand.
It is better understood nowadays and I'm happy for anyone getting diagnosed today, but I'll always feel that my life was stolen from me and no one understood.